I am not the type of person who shies away from speaking out about my mental health. It is well-known to my blogosphere, family, and friends that I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). And not the cute kind… Not the OCD where I just alphabetize movies or like a clean house; my OCD looks more like… getting mad that the dishwasher is loaded wrong (there is no right or wrong way) or the route someone is taking is the longer route (by maybe a minute, tops). My level of social anxiety is usually well-hidden and only truly noticeable to my inner circle, but lately it has taken a turn for the worse.
I have been having so much trouble lately with my depression. And don’t ask me to explain why I’m depressed. That’s like trying to explain why the ocean is so big. There’s no one-size fits all answer to depression and what brings it on. I’ve gained some weight, work is stressful, and being a newlywed is not for the faint of heart, but none of those are the reason I’m depressed. I just find myself in this hole (my own personal hobbit hole) where I never want to leave my apartment and I cancel all my previous plans due to the anxiety of having to be out and socializing. Even people who I adore and couldn’t imagine my life without, I find a way to shut them out and recede further into myself. It’s hard to admit out loud, but my depression has really gotten out of control.
So, after many a tearful talk with my mom, husband, and best friend Emily, I forced myself to show up. Go to my doctor and discuss options, because as scared as I am of switching up my anxiety medicine, I’m more scared of not ever feeling like myself again. I’m scared there will come a day when I don’t get out of bed.
I guess I’m bringing this up because I think it’s important. It’s important to be honest about our struggles. It’s important for me to let you all know why I’ve disappeared and why I seem to not find joy in the things that used to make me so happy. I think it’s important for people to know they’re not alone. Depression, anxiety, OCD… These are all things that can affect your everyday life so drastically. And I truly believe that it is okay and good and mature to sit down and say (albeit reluctantly and tearfully) “I need help. I can’t do this alone.”
I am lucky and blessed enough to have an amazing support team. My husband and family have always had my back and I have a group of close girlfriends who understand mental health and know how to make me feel a little less ostracized. That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel alone sometimes, this is a battle within myself… But it’s important to know you have people out there who love you and who understand what you’re going through.
Don’t be scared to ask for help, don’t be scared to reach out to those around you. If you ever feel alone, I’m here and I get it. Write me. Just whatever you do, know you’re wonderful and this too shall pass.
My mom and Aunt Donna
My Aunt Donna came back to visit for the weekend!! Auntie D was like a second mother to me during my formative late elementary and middle school years. She has always been there to lend an ear and offer up heaps of good advice. =)
My husband is such a dream boat Da boys Love this candid photo of my brother John We call ourselves Flannel Cubed (not really, but I think it would make a splendid band name!)
We went to a ton of breweries, local restaurants, and even our local wineries. What can I say? Food is love in this family! Either way, it was great to have her come to visit after the wedding, since Mitch & I felt like we missed out on spending time with everyone on that crazed wedding weekend!
I’m loving surprise visits from my bestest best friend and her fiance! <3
I’m loving a bestie who is endlessly supportive and wonderful and beautiful, even when I am failing…
I’m loving fiance’s (mine in particular) who can always make you laugh.
& lastly, I’m loving moms (who are also maid of honors) who surprise you with amazingly thoughtful gifts that make you sob in front of everyone at your wedding shower. <3 <3 <3
I went to the Indy 500 for the first time with my family last weekend! It was crazier than I was expecting… people were partying all over the place, bad tattoos and buttcracks visible, beer cans and bottles all over the place. God Bless America. haha. Nah, for all the awesome people watching that was available, we really enjoyed watching the Indy cars race around the track.
My favorite part was spending some quality time with my family, enjoying the 2 hour car ride there and back, laughing at each other and with each other. My family is the best.
PS: Sorry for posting the photos, mom. I think you’re cute! ;)
Happy Birthday to my best friend, my confidante, my partner-in-crime. The person I can truly be myself with. You are an incredible woman and have been such an inspiration in my life. I am so blessed to have you in my life and I will never be worthy of your amazing love. <3 You hold my heart, mom. I’m so happy that we’re so close, I don’t take our relationship for granted at all. Thank God for women like you!!
So, blog family, I don’t know how else to break the news to everyone, but Mitch & I are engaged [since 12/7/13]!! We’re going to get married and have kids and live happily ever after.
Okay, let’s be honest, I’ll probably drive him absolutely bonkers, BUT he’s stuck with me!
We haven’t set a date, though we’re thinking September 2014! It was a romantic night at the ballet watching The Nutcracker and then home for hot tea and Bible reading. After which, he asked me to marry him. AND I SAID YES!?!
We have been together since September of 2011 and I’ve never been happier in my life. Mitch is my best friend, my confidante, and my support system. I can’t wait to begin our life together as old married folks!
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